See Their Uniqueness

“Let them experience a sense of belonging based on who they are instead of what they achieve.”

Anne Beneventi, is Director of the Annemarie Roeper Method of Qualitative Assessment (QA) and Annemarie’s Roeper’s successor. She has a private practice evaluating children for giftedness using QA and consulting with families and schools to provide appropriate educational and emotional support for gifted children.

Anne served as past Chair of the Global Awareness Network of the National Association for Gifted Children, is an Associate of the Gifted Development Center and serves on the board of Gifted Homeschool Forum. She is the 2015 recipient of SENG’s Lifetime Achievement Award.

Anne Co- founded Helios School for the Gifted in California where she assesses applicants for admissions using Qualitative Assessment.

Parents are well meaning, and of course, want the best for their children, but sometimes they are tempted to dictate who their children will be and the path they will take. Our traditional education system is focused on conformity. It is about succeeding, but with a very narrow definition of success that can deny the individual’s essence. I see the race toward achievement as having nothing to do with the true nature of the child.

It is important to create opportunities for children without expectations. Praise them for their qualities that have nothing to do with achievement, such as kindness, empathy and bravery. Tell them you are glad there are people like them in the world. Let them experience a sense of belonging that is based on who they are instead of their achievements.

I see kids so worried about doing things perfectly that it stifles creativity. Sometimes gifted kids feel abandoned because they aren’t recognized for who they are. Everyone longs to be known for their genuine and authentic self. When children abandon their true selves, they then also abandon the idea that they have something of value to give. They acquiesce to fit in. They construct a false self. When this happens, we lose their contribution, brilliance and individuality. Children can lose their sense of wonder, their purpose and their resourcefulness. They can spend their lives without making a true contribution because no one supported their true nature.

I think gifted children can feel lonely because there are parts of themselves that they cannot share. Sometimes it is because if they share, teachers or parents expect even more from them than they are already giving. Sometimes children feel their talent over defines them. They reject it because it’s only a small part of who they are.

I co-founded a school for gifted children. On the surface it is about gaining skills, but really it is about the community children make for themselves and their connection to others. It is the first place some children feel accepted and understood.

If we teach children to trust their unique voice, it will benefit them throughout their lives. They need reflection and validation of their feelings. Children need time to self- reflect to understand who they really are, but often there is no time. Kids are over-scheduled with everyone else’s agenda. Parents have such good intentions. They see the future as competitive, and they just want their kids to have a chance, so they parent defensively.

We often don’t realize, though, the very thing that would give our children emotional well- being and a meaningful contribution in life, is shut down before we even see what it is. We are putting all of our children on the same track and, in doing so, we are missing their unique essence.